Personal: Cry or laugh. Choosing gain over pain

Irony is the greatest learning tool in life. Experiencing it is being in position of two possible choices – to cry or to laugh. And what you choose is defining you as a person and sketches direction of your future. Choose to cry – and you will drag your problem with you for a long time, picking up on the way everything that goes along with sorrow. Choose to laugh – and get an immunity to hard times in life.

But more than anything, ironies of life, troubles and stones on the road help us to see what matters. Not to know what matters, cause we all already know it deep inside. But to hear our own thoughts, to see our priorities, to understand our preferences.

I recently got a chance to reflect on my last few years of life through quite a disaster in my small world. What is one of the biggest disasters computer age has brought us? Right – loss of all your data. Years of memories, work experience, events, traveling. Gbs of photos and entire work portfolio…It all got washed away by technological crash wave.

No, I’m not a typical blond who doesn’t back up the data. I did. But here comes the irony.

I have backed up all my data for the past 2-3 years on a hard drive and laptop. My laptop is already crippled enough to keep entire data on it, so after backing up all of it – around 500 Gbs (yes, half of it was absolutely useless pictures of cats, cakes, parties, random collections of downloads etc) - I started slowly removing the data from my laptop. Least important data was first to be removed (of course I was still far from heartache cause copy of it was remaining on hard drive). This is how I started filtering what is least important…

After a while not much data was left on my laptop, some of it on my phone. What is interesting – it was data from all 3 years, but very selected one. I mean, logically it would have made more sense to leave the recent one and to completely remove the rest. But there were pictures and files which I just couldn’t let go of…So I kept it, in case I will want to look at it sometime…

And then a day came when my laptop got so slow that like a sinking ship it had to get rid of any possible weight to go down slower and get a shot at being rescued.

And then, keeping less than 10% of my 500Gbs (5% of which was on my phone) and being assured that my 3 years of mess are on hard drive, I pressed Shift+Del on all my lappy data.

Now here’s the point where in movies a very tension-creating music plays on the background as I went to get few files from my hard drive…Imagine my shock when hard drive was not getting detected by any device. Apparently a few seconds power cut while it was connected to TV left me robbed from all my last 3 years’ memories and experience. Such a small thing which doesn’t even last more than 3 seconds and will not even be noticed by you, in technological age of milliseconds can make you loose everything (a principle that is being actively and religiously followed by stock brokers).

But what I first few hours treated as being robbed, on a closer look appeared to be something else. It was being set free.

We always complain that it’s hard to let go of past, live in present, create your experiences in now. But here’s your chance. In moments like this. This is where you can choose to cry over what has been lost or get excited about having a chance to create something new, better.

New memories, new photos, new better designs.

This is where you subconsciously get rid of 90% that drag you down to sink and leave those 10% that inspire you. This is where you see what were the things you actually cherished in past few years, what was important and what was just a background noise. Call it faith, call it sign. I call it irony.

And I’m being truly grateful to it for helping me leave out all the rest and finally clear my way towards the future.

Need of acceptance as a new drug

 Apart from all substance and psychological addiction one is seriously underestimated- addiction from acceptance and approval.
It is actually a psychological epidemia, no, pandemia of 21st century.
We all want to be loved, accepted. We enter multiple groups to relate ourselves. We become parts of movements…not for ideological sake, but for the sake of belonging.
Some go further and become part of outcast group- group that thinks they don’t need people to accept them and scream about it wherever they go. Quite hypocritically still seeking attention and appreciation for being people who “don’t care about attention and appreciation “.
It’s a lie. Lie to yourself and to others. Human nature and the basic human need is a need of belonging. Being a part of a family, group, community etc.
But one thing is to be a part of this “acceptance chase”. Absolutely different case is making it a life purpose. The way and the destination.
Unfortunately, in a world where as Einstein predicted technology supressed human interaction, we are even more hungry for belonging. But we go to search it in gadgets and online networks. We are willingly selling ourselves to things that by default are not solution, but the problem. And so goes vicios cycle. The more we chat online, the more temporarily relief we get, more we delay the actual communication which only enhances our hunger in a long run.
But what i assume is the biggest trigger for acceptance addicts is the fact that they are being told by media and society how much they actually need other people. Like beauty industry is selling us sick standards to eventually sell their products, in same way social networks, mobile companies and many more sell us the need to be with people 24/7.
Any psychology specialist will tell you that it’s not only impossible but also bad for you.
Loosing yourself in other people, making them your only goal and salvation will only bring you to frustration and problems within your own identity. Stop making others your goal!
I m not encouraging anti-social behaviour but every time you are willing to spend some free time think - maybe it’s an opportunity for you to be with yourself, to make your relationship with yourself better. After all you more than anything need attention and acceptance…from your own self. Take a walk, listen to favourite songs, have a cup of tea…with yourself.
Inner communication is not sickness. Not having this communication is.
Your treatment from everything is you. Your best advisor is you. Learn to listen to yourself instead of others and you will find out that you already know everything you need to. Learn to depend on yourself, rather than others and you will stop being disappointed. Stop making people your goal and you will enjoy their company without frustration. Start giving approval to yourself and you will be surprised what you are capable of.
Listen to yourself always- do you really need someone right now? Or is it just one more trait of insecurity. Listen to yourself and harmony will be your eternal companion.  

Personal: Out of the cage

So you have a dilemma?
To stay and “prove yourself” as they say. Or to just cut it off and leave.
“Prove yourself” - a big expression that is supposed to motivate people, challenge them or….

Or it is just one more tool to keep hold on person’s strings of human ego and desire to be accepted.

We are so consumed with being good for others, fit for society, up to parents’ expectations that we do not even try to make our own decisions. Do not try to listen to what we actually think ourselves.

U don’t need other people to define what u worth or to accept that u r right when u urself know that u are.
It is their choice. Their acceptance will not change facts.

Why people waste their life proving smth to someone - family, friends, society.
Does it make them happy? What do they have in the end? They have other people’s goals achieved, other people’s dreams executed. They live other’s life.

Does it make people around them convinced?…The answer is simple - they DON’T CARE.
People will always criticize. It will not actually make you better or worse…
Eventually you end up proving things to someone who doesn’t want proof, but only wants argument. You are fighting a ghost.

No one can say that he lived more than one life, so no one can claim being an expert in how to do it.

Yet so many people try to define life by someone else’s measurements. They bend towards the standards. Try to coop up with requirements and trends.
They end up unhappy, sick and that is definitely not in trend.
Do they change the world? NO. The world goes on.
Cause there is nothing exciting in being a clone of a picture from popular magazine. From one more person with the same thinking and same looks coming or going the world will not stop moving.

So instead of making the world happy, become happy.
Choose what is good for you.
Don’t prove anything to anyone.
Don’t stay on a job that doesn’t make u happy. Leave
Don’t be around people that only give negative energy. Leave
Leave and you will find that it’s not scary.
Leave the cage of others’ expectations cause it’s the only way to see there are no borders.

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